Hollywood megastar “outed” as a sexual pervert…

For over 18 months, the entertainment industry has been buzzing with speculation about which megastar was:

…accused of performing a sex act while having a massage at a prestigious hotel in Scotland.

To be precise, this egomaniacal, self-indulgent, narcissistic misogynist blithely discarded his towel, exposed the arousing effect his masseuse was having on him and proceeded to spank the monkey (jerk-off, whack-off, choke the chicken, oh alright – masturbate!) right there on the table. And, to this day, I’m sure he’s just stupefied that - far from considering his personal performance the climax of her life – this woman was utterly disgusted.

Of course, one would expect such a jerk to be revealed as someone like Charlie Sheen or Hugh Grant; but, not in this case. Instead, like the Oracle of Delphi revealing the secrets to immortality, the chairman of the employment tribunal to which the masseuse immediately filed a complaint revealed on Monday that:

…he was not convinced there was a pressing social need convincing enough to allow restrictions to be put in place which would prevent [Kevin] Costner being identified [as the perpetrator of this most ostentatious exhibition of Onanism].

Yes folks, this erstwhile Robin Hood not only touched, but actually fondled - in a lewd and lascivious way - what for any decent man would be The Untouchables during a professional massage. Perhaps Costner was suffering a JFK flashback….

But what compounded his perverted behavior was the fact that the 51-year-old Costner assaulted this masseuse while on honeymoon with his twenty-something trophy wife. Now, I know what unconscionable doggs some of us can be. But I'm convinced that if they visit a masseuse during their honeymoon, most men would do so only to reinvigorate their bodies for more connubial action with their more-willing-than-they’ll-ever-be-again wives. However, Rumor Has It that Costner prefers “having sex with someone he loves” and that “a honeymoon in the hand” suits him just fine. Although, perhaps Costner was just “cleansing his pipe” - so that he could plant healthy seeds in his properly fecund wife….

Whatever the motive for his grotesque, juvenile and criminal behavior, there seems No Way Out for Costner to ever redeem his public image as The Bodyguard any woman would want to be her leading man. Nonetheless, I suspect this public humiliation will have no impact on his wife's mercurial devotion - until the most opportunistic moment arrives for her to cash-in according to her pre-nuptial agreement.

NOTE: Costner exudes probity and intelligence, which give his films - no matter how bad (Waterworld) - some redeeming value. Yet, in his personal life, he’s evidently no different than the accomplished scoundrels I featured in my recent article titled: How sex makes smart men do stupid thing. Furthermore, knowing that he thinks he’s entitled to treat women this way has shattered all of my illusions about his professional gravitas. Indeed, I hope this episode turns people off his movies forever.

ENDNOTE: I hope this episode also turns people off The Old Course Hotel in St Andrews, Fife where Costner perpetrated this criminal act. And, here’s why:

When the masseuse complained to the owners, they fired her. (Why this never became a police matter remains a mystery to me. But even most Englishmen I know find Scottish law incomprehensible.) Of course, most hotel owners would discard any employee as blithely as Costner discarded his towel to curry favor with a celebrity. But doing so for bad service is one thing; whereas, firing an employee for complaining about being sexually assaulted by a celebrity guest sets a wholly unacceptable precedent for kiss-ass celebrity worship. And, firing this masseuse under these circumstances was made all the more egregious when her lawyers discovered that the hotel owners and Costner are “good friends”.

It’s no wonder they settled her claim of damages for unfair dismissal on the eve of trial this week. But ordinary people should now appreciate that the owners of The Old Course Hotel seem to expect their employees to provide services or tolerate behavior that one should only expect at massage parlors in the red-light district of big cities.

Finally, the following statement by his publicist, Paul Bloch, makes it patently clear that Costner feels completely immune to the consequences of his perversions:

This is a dispute between an ex-employee and a hotel; this was never about Kevin Costner….I have not even reached Mr Costner. He’s on location shooting so he knows nothing more about this

INSTRUCTIVE NOTE: On my honeymoon, I would have opted for a joint massage with my new bride….

Kevin Costner, sexual pervert