Brokeback Summit? Sweet nothings between rough-riding Bush and urban-cowboy Blair caught on tape…

Yesterday, the world was treated to a rare glimpse into the thriving “special” relationship between U.S. President George W. Bush and British PM Tony Blair. Because, unbeknownst to them, a microphone caught almost every word they uttered during their little verbal assignation at a G8 working lunch in Saint Petersburg, Russia.

Alas, what we heard betrayed (transatlantic) political spin and media reports that the debacle in Iraq had caused this relationship to become irretrievably broken down. Because Blair still sounded like a love-sick puppy when he cooed with pride and satisfaction after Bush thanked him for his lovely gift of knit sweaters. Here’s how that exchange went:

Talk that makes you go “Hmmm….” But, how’s that for life imitating art – with Bush (as the Heath Ledger cowboy “Ennis”) and Blair (as the Jake Gyllenhaal cowboy “Jack”) flirting like Brokeback-Mountain lovers?

Of course, Bush and Blair’s apparent disregard for monogamy will no doubt shock their Christian fundamentalist friends and shatter their family-values public images. (I heard “shit” a few times, but did Bush drop the f-bomb on Syria?) After all, here’s what these two naughty boys had to say after ogling one of the other guys attending their luncheon:

Bush: Yeah, yeah, he is sweet
Blair: He is…honey.

Nevertheless, the real insight here is that, despite Osama bin Laden being more popular in England now than George Bush, and notwithstanding resolute efforts by members of his own party to tie his relationship with Bush around his neck like a gallows noose, Blair just can’t quit Bush; especially since they can, evidently, make love and war at the same time….

NOTE: Though unseemly on a personal level, I have no compunction about commenting on the private conversation between these two public figures. After all, no two people have shown less scruple about eavesdropping on the conversations of others than Bush and Blair.

ENDNOTE: To be fair, they were not entirely oblivious to the urgent political matters being addressed at this luncheon. Hence, for anyone interested in the political thoughts Bush and Blair shared, here below is The iPINIONS Journal’s transcript of the audiotape.

Since we all heard things differently during playback (and it did not help that Blair was being deliberately discreet and Bush was talking with his mouth full), I reviewed several print sources, including The Guardian, Washington Post and SKYNEWS, to provide the most accurate and comprehensive account of what they said:

Bush: Yo Blair, How are you doing?
Blair: I’m just…
Bush: You’re leaving?
Blair: No, no, no not yet. On this trade thingy…[inaudible]
Bush: Yeah, I told that to the man
Blair: Are you planning to say that here or not
Bush: If you want me to
Blair: Well, it’s just that if the discussion arises….
Bush: I just want some movement.
Blair: Yeah
Bush: Yesterday we didn’t see much movement
Blair: No, no, it may be that it’s not. It may be that it’s impossible
Bush: I am prepared to say it
Blair: But it’s just I think what we need to be an opposition
Bush: Who is introducing the trade
Blair: Angela [Merkel, German chancellor]
Bush: Tell her to call ‘em
Blair: Yes
Bush: Tell her to put him on them on the spot….Thanks for the sweaters. It’s awfully thoughtful of you
Blair: It’s a pleasure
Bush: I know you picked it out yourself
Blair: Oh, absolutely, in fact I knitted it!!! (Laughter)
Bush: What about Kofi – he seems alright. I don’t like his ceasefire plan. His attitude basically and everything sorts out…But I think…
Blair: Yeah the only thing I think is really difficult is that we can’t stop this without getting international presence agreed. I think what you guys have talked about which is the criticism of the [inaudible word). I am perfectly happy to try and see what the lie of the land is, but you need that done quickly because otherwise it will spiral.
Bush: Yeah I think Condi’s [US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice] gonna go pretty soon
Blair: But that’s that’s that’s all that matters. But if you, you see it will take some time to get that together
Bush: Yeah, yeah
Blair: But at least it gives people…
Bush: It’s a process. I agree. I told her your offer too…
Blair: Well…it’s only if I mean…you know. If she’s got a…, or if she needs the ground to be prepared as it were…Because obviously if she goes out, she’s got succeed, if it were, whereas I can go out and just talk.
Bush: You see, the irony is what they need to do is to get Syria, to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over
Blair: Dunno…Syria
Bush: Why?
Blair: Because I think this is all part of the same thing
Bush: Yeah
Blair: What does he think? He thinks if Lebanon turns out fine, if we get a solution in Israel and Palestine, Iraq goes in the right way….
Bush: Yeah, yeah, he is sweet
Blair: He is honey. And that’s what the whole thing is about. It’s the same with Iraq
Bush: I felt like telling Kofi to call, to get on the phone to Bahad [Bashir Assad of Syria] and make something happen
Blair: Yeah
Bush: [inaudible]
Blair: hmmm
Bush: We are not blaming the Lebanese government
Blair: Is this…?

(Blair finally notices the microphone is turned on and turns it off….)

EPILOGUE: It has become axiomatic that G8 summits are about little more than the richest countries on earth plotting global strategies</s trong> to protect what they have (from the have-nots) and make themselves richer. But, as far as hollow rhetoric goes (remember last year’s talk about forgiving Africa’s debt?), the joint communiqué that ended this year’s summit – reprimanding Hezbollah for its terrorist activities and cautioning Israel to show restraint in its shock and awe response – constituted unusually relevant diplomatic language.

There can be no denying, however, that G8 Saint Petersburg will be remembered more for Bush and Blair’s careless whispers than for anything else.

G8 Summit Saint Petersburg, Russia, President George Bush, PM Tony Blair