“Friendship” with Anna Nicole forces Bahamian Minister of Immigration to resign

A week ago today, after pictures showing Bahamian Minister of Immigration and Labour Shane Gibson in compromising positions with the late Anna Nicole Smith were published all over the world, I wrote the following:

…[W]hether she actually gave him some pregnant (or post-partum) nookie is immaterial. Although, for what she will end up costing him, I hope she did.

At any rate, to preserve the integrity of his government, Prime Minister Perry Christie must demand Gibson’s resignation…forthwith! And this week’s scheduled meeting of his Party’s re-nomination committee for candidates to stand at the forthcoming general elections provides a fortuitous opportunity for the PM to sack Gibson along with other undesirable incumbents.

Therefore, I was not at all surprised on Sunday night when Gibson appeared on national television to announce that he had tendered his resignation “with immediate effect”. I was disappointed, however, that he turned what should have been an honourable gesture into a pathetic spectacle by blaming a vast anti-government conspiracy for his predicament and claiming that he was resigning only to preserve what remains of his family’s integrity.

After all, his assertions in this respect are patently undermined by the fact that – just days before - Gibson embarrassed his wife by having her to sit by her man for a contrived, nationally-televised interview, during which he tried in vain to spin the damage to save his job. Never mind that he hardly enhanced his family’s integrity by allowing his mother to serve as Anna Nicole’s baby Mammy and his father as Howard Stern’s step-and-fetch-it man who reportedly skippered back to The Bahamas the boat (curiously christened "The Cracker") which Stern induced Anna Nicole to buy in Florida just days before she died. Indeed, only God knows what other domestic services Gibson enlisted other family members to perform as part of the “immigration services we provide all applicants for permanent residency”.

Even worse, however, Gibson insulted the intelligence of all Bahamians by admonishing them to believe him when he says he did “nothing to be ashamed of” and not their lying eyes when they look at those compromising pictures.

This, alas, brings me to the antic support he received from our beloved prime minister - who wistfully described Gibson as a “competent and capable individual [whose resignation will be] a loss for the entire country”. Because, frankly, I was stupefied when he echoed the charge that Gibson was a victim of “an organized conspiracy to take him out”.

After all, if Mr Christie believed that the leader of the opposition (FNM) party was trying to scapegoat such a valuable member of his cabinet and a man he considers a “genuine friend”, then he should have encouraged Gibson “to stand to slug it out” – as Gibson made clear he wanted to do during that ill-fated interview. Especially since, after accepting his resignation, the prime minister lamented the irony, if not hypocrisy, that when three members of the opposition were similarly compromised they refused to resign….

That said, here’s how this rubbernecking drama will unfold:

After hearing arguments from lawyers about who has the right to Anna Nicole’s embalmed body, the Florida judge (who seems as clueless about American law as he is about Bahamian law) will rule - pursuant to what is so patently obvious - that her body must be returned to The Bahamas to be buried next to her son Daniel.

The Bahamian Judge who will hold hearings later this week to determine who’s the Daddy of her baby Dannielynn will rule that Howard K. Stern and all other plausible claimants in this respect must submit to DNA testing to determine paternity. And when it’s proved that Larry Birkhead, not Stern, is the child’s biological Daddy, the Judge will award him sole custody, at which time Birkhead will take his daughter back to America to continue Anna Nicole’s gold-digging quest for a cut of her late husband’s fortune.

Finally, Stern will continue to peddle any picture or story about this tragedy that tabloids are willing to buy. But, when he returns from the baby-Daddy hearing mentioned above, I hope Bahamian authorities confiscate his passport pending next month’s inquest into Daniel’s death, for which he may be found complicit and promptly incarcerated.

If the inquest is inconclusive, however, the Bahamian government will summarily deport Stern to the U.S. to face disbarment proceedings for his unethical and unprofessional relationship with Anna Nicole.

THE END


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