The iPINIONS Journal

So, where were you when Tiger spoke? I suspect the entire world stopped at 11 this morning to listen. Now comes all of the psycho-babble about what he said or did not say.

But I think he said, again, all he needed to say: that he’s really, really sorry … for everything; that he accepts full responsibility for his “selfish and foolish” behavior, and that he vows to do everything necessary to repair his marriage and regain the trust of his fans as well as the respect of his fellow players. (The sponsors will follow….)  Hell, he even threw in the de rigueur testimony about being a born again … Buddhist.

Moreover, he said it all with the right confluence of contrition (for hurting his family and disappointing his fans), humility (for acting like an entitled jerk) and, yes, even indignation (at the media for stalking his wife and children).

In fact, as I predicated would be the case, it’s only the tabloid media and folks who wallow in their tabloid fodder who seem disappointed because he refused to cater to their prurient lust for details about his affairs. But, just as I admonished him to do, Tiger stated quite emphatically that all of those details are none of their business:

I understand that people want to know… Every one of these questions and answers is a matter between Elin and me, issues between a husband and wife.

And with all due respect to CNN’s legal expert, the fact that the police found no evidence to support charges of domestic violence (against him or his wife) means that Tiger does not have to answer any further questions about what happened on that fateful Thanksgiving night that precipitated his fall from grace.

Most importantly, he said that he will continue on his path to recovery, and will return to golf sooner rather than later.  Granted, he was not specific, but reading between the lines, I remain convinced that he’ll be back in time for The Masters in April.

With that, to all who are complaining about the way Tiger controlled this press event, I say get over yourselves.  For you can’t say on the one hand that the guy does not owe you anything, but on the other hand complain about how he has chosen to deal with this public humiliation.  Frankly, if the way he’s charting his path to recovery and redemption is okay with his family and sponsors, then everyone else, especially you weekend duffers, be damned.  Real fans can’t wait for him to move on from all of this mess.

So what’s the point [of holding this press event]?

Well, I have to think that team Tiger has determined that it’s the least he can do to give his remaining sponsors, like Nike, as well as the organizers of the PGA Tour, the closure they need to welcome him back.  Because it is also crystal clear that this outing will do nothing to rehabilitate his good name…

Winning tournaments in his inimitable fashion is the only way now to eradicate bacchanalian images of his private life from public consciousness - even if not from the tabloids

[Tiger will finally speak, but what will he say? TIJ, February 19, 2010]

Well done Tiger. And enough said!

NOTE: I guess, since Tiger did not invite them to this seminal press event, celebrity philanderers Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley will have to consider themselves no longer among his best and most-valued friends, eh….

Related commentary:
Tiger will finally speak…

*This commentary was published originally at 1:18 yesterday afternoon

Notwithstanding all other BREAKING NEWS - about the latest from the Olympics, President Obama’s controversial meeting with the Dalai Lama, or the white American terrorist who flew his plane into a federal building in Texas - the press “statement” Tiger Woods will deliver today at 11 A.M. will dominate all media coverage.  And fair enough; for he (even if not what he has to say) really is that newsworthy.

Indeed, what is truly remarkable is that one of his PR flacks has made it crystal clear, not only that Tiger will have nothing new to say but that he will entertain no questions from the press. Instead, he’s expected to read a statement in which he reiterates the apology to his wife Elin as well as the regrets to his sponsors and fans that it took him and his publicists three postings on his website to finally get right last December.

Of course he’ll admit that he has been a naughty boy, and that he is possessed by many phallic demons. This is why he will undoubtedly pledge to continue (sexual and marital) counseling to assure everybody of his intent to keep them zipped up while keeping his head(s) on the straight and narrow path of recovery. And I’m sure he’ll do his best to infuse this performance with emotion by interjecting a few sniffles and shedding a tear or two.  

But just to make this contrivance complete, he will be reading it before an intimate gathering of family and friends, and a few handpicked (or henpecked) members of the press (for appearances). 

Incidentally, despite no longer wearing her wedding ring, the fact that Elin is still sporting his Nike attire is just as reliable an indicator that she fully intends to stand by her man. I imagine not wearing her ring is just her way of showing the world, and perhaps even convincing herself, that she’s not letting him treat her like a doormat.

So, if it plays out as planned, this press event will surely disappoint the tens of millions who have just been longing for him to address, in an Oprah-style confessional, all of the shocking revelations about his private life (of juggling the 19 mistress we know about) that have provided such titillating tabloid fodder the past two months.

So what’s the point?

Well, I have to think that team Tiger has determined that it’s the least he can do to give his remaining sponsors, like Nike, as well as the organizers of the PGA Tour, the closure they need to welcome him back.  Because it is also crystal clear that this outing will do nothing to rehabilitate his good name.

And I’ve already telegraphed why here:

This will do little to stop the media from trying to induce every woman he has ever met to spin kiss-and-tell stories … even if they’re pure fantasy.  But I urge Tiger to have nothing more to say. Instead he should just let his golf do all of the talking, which is the only way he’ll ever erase this stuff from public consciousness; especially since all of his statements reek of whining, self-righteous blather.

[Tiger issues indignant apology, TIJ, December 2, 2009]

And here:

Winning tournaments in his inimitable fashion is the only way now to eradicate bacchanalian images of his private life from public consciousness - even if not from the tabloids.  And only this will give his understandably spooked corporate sponsors [like Accenture who dropped him like a hot potato] the cover they need to feature him as their spokesman once again… In any event, I am convinced that Tiger will return … sooner rather than later.

[Tiger escapes to a "safe haven," TIJ, December 14, 2010]

Therefore, if you’re planning to tune in to hear him give details about his affairs, or even about the current state of his marriage, don’t bother.  Which means that you’ll have to rely on The National Enquirer for answers to such burning questions as:

*  We know of 19 Tiger, but just how many women were there?

*  Some of them claim that you gave them allowances of as much as $10,000 per month; others that you blew $50,000 to $100,000 on them in one weekend.  How much of your $1 billion fortune did you spend on these women?

*  Virtually all of them claim that your method of safe sex is having sex your wife knows nothing about.  Did it ever occur to you that you were risking not only your life but your wife’s as well by having unprotected sex with these women?

*  Was Rachel Uchitel really your favorite?

*  By the way Tiger, is it just a coincidence that all of these women are white, or do you have something against women of color, and black women in particular?

Etc, etc, etc. (And by the way, I’m sure some crack reporter will ask him one or more of these questions at some point. But I hope he has the presence of mind to answer, “That’s none of your business,” in every case.)

On the other hand, if you’re a genuine golf fan, he’ll probably say all you want to hear when he confirms that he’ll be returning to the tour sooner (in time for the Masters in April - as I predicted) rather than later (not until next year - as many sports analysts predicted). 

NOTE: Tiger’s betrayal and the public humiliation it wrought have evidently caused his wife to become a virtually anorexic.  By contrast, Tiger seems to have been drowning his sorrows in tubs of ice cream, and now looks just like all of the other fatsos who play on the PGA tour. Let’s just hope he doesn’t begin playing like them as well….

Related commentaries:
Tiger escapes…

Alas, ubiquitous CCTV cameras are making a mockery of the cloak and dagger work of government spies that was once left to the creative medium of John le Carré novels and James Bond movies.

Perhaps you recall how CCTV caught Russian spies in tea shops all over London in November 2006 executing the ham-handed assassination of Alexander Litvinenko, a rogue FSB (or KGB) spy whose revelations about the agency’s political assassinations were undermining the public image of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Now Israeli spies have been caught red-handed in similar fashion at a five-star hotel in Dubai last month executing a farcical hit on Mahmoud al-Mabhouh, a senior Hamas leader who was suspected of procuring arms from Iran for missile attacks against Israel.

For it’s bad enough that these spies can be seen in technicolor going into public bathrooms and coming out in their laughable disguises (some looking like clones of 1970s tennis player Bobby Riggs as they stalked al-Mabhou into the hotel elevator).

But I doubt Mossad, known for its stealth and highly sophisticated operations, will ever live down the fact that its agents acted more like keystone cops than James Bond as they carried out this mission.  After gaining entry to his room by posing as housekeeping staff, they allegedly shot al-Mabhouh with a dart tranquilizer and then suffocated him.

Mind you, I harbor no moral aversion whatsoever about such targeted assassinations (as long as they are carried out for national security, not political, purposes).  In fact, I applaud the Israelis for doing it the old-fashioned way: clean, up close, and in person; as opposed to the cowardly way the Americans now do it: with remote-controlled, aerial drones firing missiles that invariably kill many innocent bystanders for every target they hit.

Instead, what I find so incomprehensible about this Mossad caper is that these spies used the real identities of six Israeli citizens to forge British passports. After all, even if using real identities were necessary to avoid being detected at border control, why not use the I.D.s of Jews from faraway New York City instead of those of more vulnerable Jews back home in Israel?

Now, not only has CCTV blown the cover of all agents involved, but Mossad has made these six Israelis unwitting suspects in a murder investigation as well as potential targets of reprisal hits by Hamas assassins.

Not to mention the justified political indignation this once-revered spy agency has incited among British officials; especially given the Israeli government’s assurance in the mid-1980s that its spies would never use forged British passports again after they were caught using them for a mission back then….

Oy vey!

Related commentaries:
Putin orders hit on rogue Russian spy

Unfortunately, the story of these Games to date is all about how bad weather (either too much rain or too much snow) and technical difficulties (malfunctioning zambonis - ice resurfacing machines) have conspired to force postponements of almost all of the signature events. And it’s a tossup whether these postponements are causing more frustration for the athletes or spectators.

What is certain, however, is that the Vancouver organizers are even more humiliated by the technical difficulties than they are frustrated by the weather. (Recall that things did not get off to a very auspicious start when technical difficulties ruined the choreographed lighting of the Olympic flame at the Opening Ceremony.)

Men’s Moguls

In any event, the highlight so far has to be Alexandre Bilodeau’s win in the Men’s Moguls on Sunday. Because this win not only gave Canada its first gold medal as host country (a real feat after not winning any gold medals in the two previous hosting gigs: Montreal 1976 and Calgary 1988); it also capped a very endearing human interest story, which featured Bilodeau speaking fondly of his older brother - who was born with cerebral palsy - as his biggest fan and greatest inspiration. 

Women’s Snowboardcross

But if Bilodeau’s win represented the thrill of victory, Lindsey Jacobellis’s loss in the Women’s Snowboardcross last night represented the agony of defeat; not least because she was living out a human interest story that was almost as compelling as Bilodeau’s. Specifically, Jacobellis gained notoriety for blowing a gold medal in this event in 2006 when she tried a showboating trick just meters from the finish line and fell flat on her ass.  She recovered well enough to get silver. 

More importantly though, she spent the past four years proving that the gold really was hers by dominating this event at all major international competition.  This is why everyone, including Jacobellis, felt certain that her redemption was finally at hand.  Instead, she suffered even greater ignominy. Because, ironically, she wasn’t even trying to showboat this time when she flubbed a standard turn, lost control and ran off course. She was disqualified. And this was only the semifinal.

Perhaps there’s some consolation in the fact that Canadian Maelle Ricker went on to win, giving her country its second gold.

Men’s Downhill

On the other hand, Bode Miller (r) had even more to prove, given his failure to win a single medal in Alpine Skiing in 2006 after being favored to win five. His spectacular failure incited unbridled schadenfreude because of his notoriously cocky attitude, which made him think that he could spend as much time drinking and partying before each event as he did preparing on the slopes. 

But even before his first event, the talk was of Miller certain repentance, if not his potential redemption. He exuded serenity. Then he skated to a thrilling bronze in the Men’s Downhill - finishing just nine-hundredths behind the gold medal winner and two hundredths after the silver.  This made him the most decorated Alpine skier in US history.  And he will undoubtedly add more medals to his haul before these Games are over.

Pairs Figure Skating

Otherwise, I enjoyed watching the Chinese husband and wife team win the Figure Skating Pairs on Monday night.  This was rather like Canada finally winning gold because this was their third attempt too, coming out of retirement (at 36 and 31 respectively) for the occasion.

However, I only found out the morning after that the most dynamic pair in this event was not even featured on TV.  They just happened to be a black team from France that finished 14^th. 

What makes this noteworthy is not just their rave performance but the fact that they were the first black pair to ever compete in this event at the Olympics.  Not to mention that in a sea of white and Asian faces, it would have been inspiring for many to have seen them in prime time.

Speaking of which, featuring this French pair would have given the announcers an opening to inform the television audience that figure skating is not as lily white as it might appear, since US skater Debi Thomas (who won a bronze in 1988) and French  skater Surya Bonaly (who competed in ‘92, ‘94 and ‘98) are pioneers in this respect.

Speedskating Men’s 1000

It is regrettable, though, that the alienation of esprit de corps, dating back to 2006, between black American Shani Davis, the defending gold medalist in Men’s 1000 Speedskating, and the rest of the mostly all-white US team (having to do, alas, with accusations of racism) has not been reconciled. I just hope that, like 2006, Davis can vindicate his antic disposition by winning gold for the US again.

Men’s Snowboardcross

The only other result of note so far is Seth Westcott winning gold in the Men’s Snowcross to become the first American athlete to win consecutive gold medals in the same event since speed skater Bonnie Blair did over a decade ago.

Apolo Anton Ohno

Which brings me Apolo Anton Ohno; because he’s running a dead heat with Lindsey Vonn as the most talked about athlete at these Games.  But unlike like Vonn - who has yet to compete, Ohno has already won a silver medal in the Men’s 1500, making him the most decorated Winter Olympian in history - along with the aforementioned Blair.

Never mind that he only won it because two Korean skaters ran into each other just meters from the finish line, ruining a chance for a clean sweep and allowing Ohno and his teammate to skate on by.  Frankly, his most impressive feat this year might be the fact that he showed up at a competitive 145 pounds, after competing at 165 in 2006. 

Of course, this might have more to do with the training he did for his winning performance on Dancing with the Stars than with any training for these Olympics. But it’s an indication of how formidable a challenge it will be for him to medal in his remaining four events that he failed to even place in the Men’s 500, which he won in 2006.

Cross Country, Ski Jumping and other sports

To be fair, I have thoroughly enjoyed what little I’ve seen of Cross Country, Ski Jumping, and other sports (though not including Curling; for calling this an Olympic sport is rather like calling Karaoke a fine art). But since I know little about them, and even less about the athletes who compete in them, I have only two comments to make:

1. Apropos Curling, instead of glorifying the fact that a six-month pregnant woman is competing, commentators should stress what an insult her participation is, not only to the spirit of Olympic competition but also to all other Olympic athletes who must get their bodies into top physical shape just to qualify for the Olympics.

• 2. You’d think having virtually no other sportsbesides ice skiing and skating would make Scandinaviansthe superstars of these Winter Games. Yet they are being dominated not only by the Americans, Germans, and French, but even by the South Koreans. Go figure….)

I am really looking forward to all of the alpine events (especially the Women’s Downhill, featuring Lindsey Vonn); women’s figure skating; and all of the remaining speed skating and snowboarding events (especially tonight’s halfpipe featuring Shaun White).  

Dead Georgian Luger

With all due respect to the Georgian Luger who lost his life on Saturday, I think the announcers should observe a moratorium on any further references to him. For it’s bad enough that organizers have sissified the men’s Luge course (by moving the start down to the women’s level to make it easier), but it’s just unfair to all of the other Olympic athletes to make his death the running theme of these Games.

NOTE:  Much has been made of the fact that these postponements have given Vonn extra time to rehab her bruised shin.  But this also means that she will now have far less time to recover between races once her first of five events begins later today. So let’s hope the “bumpy” course does not aggravate that shin too much.

Related commentaries:
Let the Games begin…

Fears are mounting in Italy that immigrants from North Africa are determined to ape the riots their brothers perpetrated throughout France five years ago. Because for the second time in as many months, disillusioned, disaffected, and alienated youths rampaged through Milan last weekend, destroying shops and burning cars to vent long-simmering grievances with chronic unemployment, racial and religious discrimination, and police brutality.  

Reports are that these are the worst racial unrest in Italy since World War II. But I predicted it would be thus:

The riots in France should serve notice on other developed nations that have relegated immigrants to ghettos where crime and every order of vice pervade (and, incidentally, where Islamic jihadists troll for guerilla fighters and suicide bombers). Because these riots demonstrate what little spark it takes for the simmering resentment that burns in ghettos to set nearby cities ablaze and terrorize an entire country.

Alas, there but for the grace of God…

[World beware, French riots affect us all, TIJ, November 8, 2005]

Instead of dealing with the root causes of these riots (as the French did by implementing government programs to assimilate their alienated young Africans), the Italians have decided to corral them in internment camps and then send them back where they came from.  In fact, Italian lawmakers prepared for these riots years ago by enacting the most draconian immigration laws in Europe:

Italy has an immigration policy that aims at mass expulsion of illegal immigrants - especially the unemployed. Indeed, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi even proposed an immigration bill that would authorize border patrol to open fire on boats carrying would-be illegal immigrants

[The plague of Haitian immigrants..., TIJ, March 31, 2005]

I fear, however, that this approach will only add fuel to the fires of gang warfare that characterize life in its immigrant communities as well as to clashes with local white hooligans.  Add to this tinderbox the corrupting and violent machinations of Italy’s notorious Mafia and you see what a simmering social volcano these riots represent.

But that’s Italian….

NOTE:  It might interest you to know that, according to The New York Times:

There are 4 million legal immigrants in Italy, out of a population of 60 million, and even more illegal immigrants. And while many Italians rely on them to work in their businesses and take care of their young children or elderly parents, many Italians see the new arrivals as a threat.

Related commentaries:
World beware, French riots…
The plague of Haitian immigrants…

As improbable as it seemed when I launched this weblog, today marks the fifth anniversary of The iPINIONS Journal. 

Remarkably enough, I enjoy writing and publishing my commentaries even more now than I did back then.  Therefore, I have no doubt that I shall be doing so for at least another five years.

I only hope that you will continue to find my musings on current events a worthwhile daily diversion.

Thank you for your support!

ALH

Unfortunately, last night’s Opening Ceremony was marred by the death of Nodar Kumaritashvili (21), an athlete from the former Soviet Republic of Georgia, during a practice run on the luge earlier in the day.  

Clearly this was a tragic event. But I’m glad the Olympic spirit rendered unthinkable all talk of showing respect for him by either canceling competition in this sport or making the luge slower (since Nodar was luging at 90mph when he lost control).

The head of the International Olympic Committee (IOC), Jacque Rogue, decided instead that dedicating the Opening Ceremony to him would be a more fitting tribute.

That said, as Opening Ceremonies go, it got off to a rather quaint, perhaps even patronizing, start.

It might be helpful to know that the white folks who now own and run Canada finally apologized a couple years ago for the way they displaced, exploited and, in many cases, killed the aboriginal people of that country.  (I know, you probably thought only the white folks who colonized America did that….)

The producers of this show probably thought it would be a fitting demonstration of that apology to proudly feature surviving aborigines (Indians) performing their native dances on this world stage. 

Great!  Except that this only begged the question:   How many Indians do you suppose are on Canada’s Olympic team….? I bet you will not see a single one over the next couple weeks.

That said, the emotional highlight of the evening was easily the prolonged standing ovation Nodar’s surviving teammates received when Georgia was introduced during the parade of nations.

As for the rest of the ceremony, well, coming so close on the heel of the unprecedented show China put on for the Opening Ceremony of the 2008 Olympic Summer Games, it was fated to be underwhelming by comparison. And so it was - despite the best efforts of some of Canada’s most famous entertainers.

In fact, it seemed fitting that their elaborate plan to ignite the Olympic flame suffered an embarrassing electrical malfunction. O Canada….

I swear, as I was dozing off, I heard one of the NBC hosts, Matt Lauer or Bob Costas, snoring…. Just kidding; but what a snooze!

Although, to be fair, I thought the slam poet extolling the virtues of being Canadian and K.D. Lang singing a soulful rendition of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah did a lot to redeem the evening.

The good news is that “the Michael Phelps of these Games,” American skier Lindsey Vonn, has recovered sufficiently enough from a shin injury to remain favored to become the most decorated athlete (with five gold medals). 

Of course, much of the media hype surrounding her also has to do with the fact that she’s probably the most attractive woman to ever compete in the signature event of the Winter Olympics: the downhill (with apologies to women’s figure skating: the sport as well as the cute girls who compete in it).

Let the games begin!

NOTE: It probably came as a pleasant surprise to many last night to learn that the person who represents the Queen as Canada’s head of state is a black woman from Haiti: Governor General Michaelle Jean.

Related commentaries:
Opening ceremony of Beijing Olympic Summer Games

It is interesting, even instructive, to see how Haitians, displaced by last month’s earthquake, are reacting to offers by Africans to “return home.” Because, if nothing else, their reaction should put the (final) nail in the coffin of Pan-Africanism. 

Here, for the record, are two of the more widely reported offers Africans have made in the beleaguered spirit of pan-African brotherhood:

Haitians were sons and daughters of Africa since Haiti was founded by slaves, including some thought to be from Senegal… Senegal is ready to offer them parcels of land - even an entire region.

(Spokesman for President Abdoulaye Wade of Senegal - pictured here)

Haiti’s history as a creation of the slave trade and the world’s first black republic creates a special obligation for African Union members. It is out of a sense of duty and memory and solidarity that we can further the proposal … to create in Africa the conditions for the return of Haitians.”  

(African Union President Jean Ping)

But I trust Africans will not be too offended by the fact that reaction amongst Haitians has ranged from consternation to indignation.  In fact, one would be hard-pressed to find a single Haitian (government official or private citizen) who thinks these offers to return home are even worthy of consideration. 

And who can blame them. I know if I were Haitian, I would consider rebuilding my country in the Caribbean - surrounded by relatively rich, stable, and charitable countries - far more preferable to being relocated to “tribal lands” in Africa - surrounded by relatively poor, unstable, and parasitic, if not predatory, countries.

Not to mention that, given the pandemic of corruption, incompetence and civil strife that continues to plague virtually every country on this continent, “returning” to Africa for Haitians would be tantamount to the proverbial jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Perhaps Haiti is fated to loom amidst the islands of the Caribbean just as Africa is amidst the continents of the world - as a dark, destitute, diseased, desperate, disenfranchised, dishonest, disorganized, disassociated, dangerous and ultimately dysfunctional mess.

[Haiti's living nightmare continues ... unabated, TIJ, March 7, 2005]

By contrast, with every developed country in the world now vested in its future, Haiti stands to benefit from a nation-building effort the likes of which the world has not seen since the Marshall Plan that rebuilt Western Europe after World War II. (This, notwithstanding President Truman’s Point Four Program, which was intended to be a Marshall Plan for Africa, Asia, Central and Latin America.)

So on behalf of our Haitian brothers and sisters: thanks, but no thanks Africa. 

(By the way, in the immediate aftermath of the earthquake, rescue teams and emergency supplies from countries all over the world, including Israel, poured into Haiti.  There are 54 countries in Africa.  How many of them do you recall participating in this rush to aid these “sons and daughters of Africa” in their hour of earth-shattering despair…?)

Meanwhile, all Haitians should be heartened by the irony of having the United States and France compete to be the father of their national rebirth.  After all, it was the US and France that led other nations in a conspiracy to ensure that Haiti would suffer crib death as a nation after winning independence in 1804:

On the one hand, the Americans participated in this infanticide because they deemed it too politically untenable to have a nation of black revolutionaries in their backyard enjoying democratic feedoms while their young nation was still so dependent on the institution of black slavery.  Their hypocrisy had to have been palpable; but it clearly paled in comparison to the fear these Americans had of embers from the fires of revolt that liberated France’s Haitian slaves eventually igniting similar fires amongst their slaves.

While on the other hand, the French participated merely to avenge their defeat by these black revolutionaries - who, ironically, emulated the way American revolutionaries defeated the British with the help of the French. 

But that, as we say, is ancient history.  This is why it strikes me as just an academic exercise, which does nothing to further Haiti’s national interest, for commentators to be conjuring up this 19th century conspiracy. For it can only serve as a specious reason for the chronic growing pains Haitians have suffered since independence, and will prove a fatally flawed basis on which to demand reparations for those pains.

Mind you, this is not to say that the US, in particular, has no obligation to come to Haiti’s aid.  In fact, I’m on record asserting quite emphatically that it does:

American presidents are almost as responsible for creating the nightmarish living conditions in Haiti as the succession of incompetent, corrupt, and ruthless leaders they’ve sponsored throughout Haiti’s modern History… The American government must honor its unfulfilled obligations to help build a Haiti than can sustain itself, govern itself and police itself.

[The plague of Haitian migrants in the Caribbean, TIJ, March 31, 2005]

But these commentators blaming the Americans for Haiti’s dystopia is rather like Robert Mugabe blaming the British for Zimbabwe’s.  Never mind that the foreign aid the world has lavished upon Haiti over the past 50 years has more than compensated for whatever damage this conspiracy may have caused. So blame people like Papa Doc, not Thomas Jefferson, for “destroy[ing] the dream that was Haiti”.

Haitians are living a serial nightmare. And even though white foreign faces appear as evil forces from time to time, black indigenous faces (like those of the Tonton Macoutes, FRAPH, and even Lavalas devotees) are the constant, central and catalytic characters….

[Haiti's living nightmare continues ... unabated, TIJ, March 7, 2005]

That said, I am hopeful that what will distinguish this latest round of foreign aid is the vested interest all donor nations are taking in Haiti’s sustainable development.  Indeed, nothing militates against billions more being squandered quite like having former US President Bill Clinton, instead of local leaders, managing this nation-building project. Especially since one can be forgiven for thinking are all Haitian politicians are congenitally incompetent and corrupt…. 

(Incidentally, don’t worry about Clinton being rushed to the hospital yesterday.  His heart just needed a little tuning up. In fact, his doctor insists that, after a day’s rest, the best prescription for him is to resume his very full work load.)

China, Brazil, Venezuela and France have all made politically opportunistic attempts to lead this effort.  But the Haitian government endorsed America’s exceptional standing in this respect by granting the US exclusive and indefinite command and control…

The US is not only providing the vast majority of all emergency supplies and financial aid, but an advance team of military forces were already handing out supplies and helping the Haitian police enforce law and order.

[Haiti's Three Rs: Relief, Recovery and Reconstruction, TIJ, January 15, 2010]

Moreover, once government institutions and the rule of law have been established, Clinton will clearly be the person best suited to attract the private investments that will be the engine of Haiti’s economic growth. And the billions he garners in annual corporate pledges for his Clinton Global Initiative is a testament to this fact. 

Although, frankly, without this very high-profile and foreign oversight, even the most jingoistic Haitian would have to concede that nobody would have any reason to believe that Haiti would be any better off 10 years from now than it was the day before the earthquake hit - despite billions in charitable donations.

Finally, it cannot be overstated that, with over 200,000 dead, Haiti’s earthquake was a tragedy of biblical proportions.  But the blessing in disguise is that no people have ever had a better opportunity to form a more perfect union than Haitians have today. 

Let us pray they make the most of it.

More on Reparations

France may well have a special obligation to pay reparations to Haiti, not only for the institution of slavery but also for the $21 billion in adhesive and unwarranted reparations the world forced the newly independent Haiti to pay France (in installments from 1825 to 1922) in order to be recognized.  Of course, the inconvenient truth is that it wasn’t just France that extracted this payment, but the entire world….

But surely no country has a greater obligation to pay reparations than the US, not only for slavery but also for the systematic discrimination it practiced against the descendants of black American slaves for over 100 years after Abolition.

Yet, just as supervening events (like Affirmative Action) make reparations in the American context impracticable, if not redundant, similar events (like foreign aid) make reparations in the Haitian context even more so.  Indeed, there’s a reason why the US, the richest and most generous country in the world, has never paid reparations for its institution of slavery.

Related commentaries:
Haiti’s living nightmare continues
The plague of Haitian migrants…
Haiti’s Three Rs: Relief, Recovery, Reconstruction
Fatally flawed demand for reparations…

The Colts are favored to win. But I’m betting on the Saints not only to beat the 5-point spread but to actually win in an upset reminiscent of the 1969 Jets’ win over the then Baltimore Colts. Though, frankly, I can’t imagine anyone, except die-hard Colts fans, not praying for the Saints to provide this miraculous outcome for the Katrina-ravaged people of New Orleans.

[NFL Championship Sunday: Favre intercepted ... again, TIJ, January 25, 2010]

The Game

What can I say….

Hell, I was so convinced the Saints were going to win that I informed my brother, an Ordained Bishop, that the Lord was going to get more converts for inviting them into Super Bowl heaven than he could get from a thousand religious crusades. 

And it was clear they were going to go marching all the way in after they won that onside kick to open the second half.  But Lance Moore’s spectacular two-point-conversion catch from Drew Brees midway through the 4th (to give the Saints a 24 to 17 lead) really clinched it. Enough said!

Except that, given the prevailing national sympathy with the people of Haiti, Colts fans should derive some consolation from the fact that Haitian wider receiver Pierre Garcon scored the first touchdown of the game. Of course, Haiti could not lose in this respect given that its claims Stanley Arnoux of the Saints as a native son too.

The Entertainment

Queen Latifah’s performance of “America the Beautiful” was awful!  Perhaps it had something to do with her earpiece popping out.  

But not since Whitney Huston performed the “Star Spangled Banner” at Super Bowl XXV has anyone performed it as well as Carrie Underwood did tonight. She was really that good.

Unfortunately, the Who not only looked, but even sounded like a group of grumpy, dirty old men. Their half-time performance was a snooze. 

Alas, this is what the lingering national trauma over a peek at Janet Jackson’s right, nipple-pierced boob (yes, I remember it vividly) has wrought:

Me: Next year they’ll be favouring us with a half-time performance by the Monkeys.
The Bishop: The who?
Me: No, the Monkeys! …

The Commercials

I was so nervous after the Saints’ slow start, and the Colts’ quick score that I didn’t even notice the most controversial spot of the night was airing until I saw Tim Tebow at the end. But pro-Choice activists must have been smoking crack when they deemed this a rabid anti-abortion commercial. It was fine, even if misplaced.

(Incidentally, the Bishop calmed my nerves by reminding that the Lord saith that the race is not given to the swift nor to the strong, but to he that endures to the end.)

My pick for best commercial goes to the Doritos spot featuring a dog wearing a shock-therapy, anti-barking collar.  Its riff on the man-bites-dog anomaly - with the dog placing the collar on the guy who was teasing him with the Doritos - was hysterical. But the fact that it also conveyed a subtle message about cruelty to animals (think Michael Vick) made it priceless.

The bit with Jay, Oprah and David gets honorable mention only because of the dramatic and funny real-life controversy behind it. And the picture of the three of them sitting on a couch watching the game in this context was as poignant as it was pithy.  I just wonder why they couldn’t have worked Conan into the spot…

But am I the only one who was thoroughly disgusted by all of those fat, pasty white folks walking around in their underwear for the Career Builders commercial?

And Dockers must have died when their $3 million spot, featuring more ugly men walking around in their underwear, followed right after this one.  (I suppose this is what happens when one big ad agency runs out of ideas….)

How ’bout them Saints, eh!!!

Related commentaries:
NFL Championship Sunday…

* The commentary was published originally last night at 10:47 pm

Today, 10 Baptist missionaries from the United States were formally charged with conspiracy and child kidnapping for allegedly trying to abscond from Haiti with 33 children.

They were arrested a week ago today while crossing the border between Haiti and the Dominican Republic.  The missionaries claim that all of the children were left homeless, and in some cases orphaned, by the January 12 earthquake. And that they had proper authorization - such as could be granted by Haiti’s fractured government.

Yet they now face 5 to 15 years in prison and remain in custody pending further determination by an investigative judge; i.e., no bail!

But, even for Haiti, this is surreal:

First and foremost, instead of inciting moral indignation, this story fills me with hope. After all, if law enforcement in Haiti is already functioning well enough to apprehend white-collar criminals, this must auger well for Haiti’s rapid recovery.

It’s just too bad the police do not appear to be doing as good a job of arresting the violent criminals who are preying on the millions of displaced women and children now living in tent cities all over Haiti.

Then there’s the almost farcical scene of these missionaries in court pleading that they were engaged in the work of the Lord, not in child trafficking.  

But am I the only one who thinks it’s crazy that these folks are being prosecuted for attempting to whisk 33 kids off to a better life when there are probably a thousand times that many desperately wishing, waiting for that opportunity…?

Whatever the case, this story is an unfortunate distraction; not least because the international media are now focusing far more on the fate of these 10 missionaries than on the fate of 10 million Haitians.

Frankly, this judge would be well-advised to release these missionaries on humanitarian grounds ASAP - recognizing the good, even if misguided, intentions of the defendants, as well as the overriding welfare of the Haitian people. 

That judge can free you but he can also continue to hold you for further proceedings.

This, according to Reuters, is the damoclean hope the prosecutor offered the missionaries at their hearing yesterday. I have to think, though, that the judge will find in fairly short order that the dysfunctional nature of life in Haiti alone raises reasonable doubts about their guilt. 

In any case, the charge of child trafficking becomes patently absurd when one considers that the missionaries had parental consent (in some cases); and moreover, that they were involved in trying to help poor Haitian children long before it became fashionable. 

Not to mention that even if they were tried and convicted, former President Bill Clinton, who is now the de facto leader of that country, would procure an immediate pardon. This is, after all, the roving American ambassador who flew all the way to North Korea to procure the release of just two Americans who were convicted on equally dubious charges.

So, point made: Haitian children are not for sale! And a religious calling to “save the children” does not confer the right to circumvent the laws of poor, earthquake-ravaged Haiti to do so.

Now, for the sake of their country, I hope foolish pride does not prevent Haitian authorities from disposing of this case with dispatch.

NOTE: Many people are accusing these missionaries of cultural and religious arrogance. But I’ll bet that these are the same people who praised Madonna for taking kids from their poor parents in Malawi by promising that she could give them a better life - complete with Kabbalah indoctrination no doubt. 

Related commentaries:
Haiti’s Three Rs: Relief, Recovery, and Reconstruction

* This commentary was originally published yesterday morning and updated last night

Western leaders have made a mockery of their condemnation of the brutal crackdown on Tibetan monks by heeding China’s warning against meeting with the Dalai Lama in any official capacity.  In fact, UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown appeased the Chinese by refusing to meet with him at No. 10, choosing instead to meet only at the residence of the Archbishop of Canterbury. This enabled Brown to claim that he was meeting the Dalai Lama “in a spiritual rather than political capacity.”

[Punishing China for its brutal crackdown on Tibet? Hardly..., TIJ, July 28, 2008]

As this opening quote indicates, the Chinese can be forgiven for thinking that even President Obama would heed their extraterritorial directive against meeting with Tibetan spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama.  And they were undoubtedly emboldened last year when Obama appeared to be doing just that when he snubbed the Dalai Lama on the eve of his first state visit to China.

His spokesman, Robert Gibbs, insists that Obama’s meeting with the Dalai Lama was always scheduled for later… Far more credible is that Obama is snubbing the Tibetan leader because the Chinese would consider such a meeting ahead of his state visit to China next month an insult. And frankly, given the unprecedented and unparalleled power China now has to affect the economic and geopolitical interests of the United States, appeasing the Chinese to this degree seems far more prudent than pusillanimous.

[Obama upsetting liberals, appeasing China?! Calm down folks, TIJ, October 6, 2009]

But the day of reckoning on this directive for Obama, as well as the Chinese, is drawing nigh.  For when the White House announced yesterday that Obama intends to welcome the Dalai Lama later this month, the Chinese reacted variously like an angry parent disciplining a willful child and a loan shark dealing with a delinquent debtor:

A meeting would be totally at odds with international accepted practices and would seriously undermine the political basis of Sino-US relations … If the U.S. leader chooses this time to meet the Dalai Lama, that would damage trust and cooperation between our two countries, and how would that help the United States surmount the current economic crisis?

(Zhu Weiqun, the Communist Party official in charge of enforcing China’s global effort to marginalize the Dalai Lama)

I applaud Obama for calling their bluff.  Not least because any real attempt to squeeze the US financially would amount to an unprecedented case of cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face. After all, the US market is even more indispensable to China’s economic growth than China’s credit is to the US’s.

Meanwhile, they’re only directing that the Dalai Lama should be shunned today, but who knows what extraterritorial directive the Chinese will issue pursuant to their perceived national interest tomorrow…?  

Moreover, consider for a moment what passive-aggressive hegemony they have in mind if they already presume that they can dictate who the president of the United States invites to the White House…. And it’s an indication of their supervening jingoism that the Chinese are proffering the demonstrably specious notion that the US would be acting the same way if the president of China were meeting with the leader of a secessionist movement from the United States (if such a creature even exists).

Incidentally, much is being made of China’s concurrent grievance with the US over arms sales to Taiwan. But I believe China has a right to exercise a sphere of military influence over Taiwan based on the same principle (such as it was) that entitled the US to do so over Cuba during the 1962 missile crisis.  And I fully expect that, despite commitments under the Taiwan Relations Act (TRA) to defend Taiwan, if (or in fact when) push comes to shove, the US will defer to China over Taiwan just as the Soviet Union deferred to the US over Cuba.

All the same, this episode should serve as a warning to all countries around the world that are not just lapping up China’s largesse, but are heralding it as a more worthy superpower than the United States. Because if the Chinese can spit such imperious and vindictive fire at the US over a relatively insignificant matter like meeting the Dalai Lama, just imagine what they  would do to a less powerful country in a conflict over a truly significant matter. 

I anticipated that the Chinese would be every bit as arrogant in the use of their power as the Americans.  But I never thought they would use it for such an irrational and plainly unwinnable cause. 

In point of fact here, in part, is how I admonished countries in the Caribbean and Latin America in this respect almost five years ago:

What happens if China decides that it is in its strategic national interest to convert the container ports, factories and chemical plants it has funded throughout the Caribbean into dual military and commercial use? Would these governments comply? Would they have any real choice? And when they do comply, would the US then blockade the entire region - as it blockaded Cuba during the missile crisis?

Now, consider China making such strategic moves in Latin America where its purportedly benign Yuan diplomacy dwarfs its Caribbean operations. This new Cold War could then turn very hot indeed….

[China buying up political dominion, TIJ, February 22, 2005]

It clearly does not bode well that China has no compunctions about drawing moral and political equivalence between its beef with the US over the Dalai Lama and the US’s beef with it over internet espionage, unfair trade practices, and support for indicted war criminals like President Bashir of Sudan. Because irrational self-pity in a regional menace like North Korea is one thing;  in a global power like China it’s quite another.

Still, when all of the chest-thumping and saber-rattling are done, I am confident that cooler heads will act to prevent a trade war (or worse) between the US and China pursuant to the same principle that prevented war between the US and Soviet Union:  the sobering and inescapable recognition that it would only lead to mutually assured destruction; i.e., it would be MAD!

NOTE: China getting its nose all bent out of shape over the Dalai Lama’s visit is made all the more boorish and irrational when one considers not only that Obama is just following the precedent set by his predecessors, but that he has stated repeatedly that he considers Tibet a part of China and the Dalai Lama nothing more than a spiritual leader.

Related commentaries:
Punishing China…Hardly
Obama upsetting liberals
China buying dominion over Caribbean
Tibet - China’s Buddhist intifada…

After the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) published a report last Friday, which zealous environmentalists are now touting as “the final word on global warming”, I felt obliged to respond…

The way the findings in this report are being proselytized begs allusions to the Holy Bible. It is ironic, though, that some renowned scientists (including Dr Tim Ball - Chairman of the Natural Resources Stewardship and Dr Richard Lindzen - Alfred P. Sloan Professor of Meteorology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology) are dismissing this IPCC report with the same intellectual derision with which secular humanists dismiss the Holy Bible…

[G]lobal warming and cooling are natural phenomena that have occurred in (30 to 40 thousand-year) cycles since the beginning of time… Believers in global warming are uninformed, fad-obsessed herds being led by a cadre of myopic media and political elite…

I could not be more indignant at rich environmentalists who seek absolution for their environmental sins by “purchasing carbon credits or offsets” in the same spirit with which Catholics once sought absolution for their moral sins by purchasing Papal indulgences.  

[Mother Nature makes UN report on global warming seem like flaming hoax, TIJ, April 12, 2007]

These excerpts are from a commentary I published almost three years ago.  Back then, I’m obliged to note, the orthodoxy of global warming was such that I got branded a veritable heretic for not only questioning, but actually ridiculing the purported scientific findings upon which this orthodoxy is based.

Trust me, I have the scars to show from the metaphorical flogging and stoning I took. But that was then. For recent revelations are causing a pandemic of doubt even among the most devoted believers in the IPCC’s report, which most famously provided the script for Al Gore’s cult classic, An Inconvenient Truth.

First Climate-gate exposed emails in which scientists from the Climate Research Unit (CRU) at the University of East Anglia - who conducted much of the research for this now infamous 2007 IPCC report - are clearly conspiring to manipulate data to hide the fact that there’s more evidence of global cooling than warming.

Research in some areas of climate science has been and is full of machination, conspiracies and collusion, as any reader can interpret from the CRU files… The scientific debate has been in many instances hijacked to advance other agendas.

(Eduardo Zorita, an expert in European climate trends)

Then a January 23, 2010 article in the Times of London cast doubts on almost all of the IPCC’s most important findings.  For example, the report, which won the IPCC and Al Gore the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize, found that “the probability of Himalayan glaciers disappearing by the year 2035 and perhaps sooner is very high.” But according to the Times:

It emerged last week that the forecast was based not on a consensus among climate change experts, but on a media interview with a single Indian glaciologist in 1999.

Even worse, this article continued as follows:

[The IPCC report] says the total area of Himalyan glaciers ‘will likely shrink from the present 500,000 to 100,000 square kilometers by the year 2035′. There are only 33,000 square kilometers of glaciers in the Himalayas.

Now comes an article in the most recent edition of The Sunday Telegraph of London which reveals that some of the IPCC’s findings weren’t based on any scientific research at all. 

Instead, the scientists who authored this critical section of the report evidently relied, alternatively, on “anecdotal evidence from mountaineers about the changes they were witnessing on the mountainsides around them,” which were published in a climbers magazine; and on a dissertation by a geography student at the University of Berne in Switzerland.

And in a late-breaking development, the Guardian is reporting today that the head of the beleaguered CRU, Professor Phil Jones, clearly tried to hide flaws in the data on which his climate change findings were based.

These revelations, as well as others, finally forced the head of the IPCC, Dr Rajendra Pachauri, to concede that:

There may have been other errors in the same section of the report, and I am considering whether to take action against those responsible.

All the same, there’s a crescendo among politicians and scientists alike calling for Dr Pachauri to resign. And those calls will only grow louder given reports in recent days that, despite his denials, he knew of the errors and did nothing to correct them; and, more damning, that he used the report to win hundreds of thousands in grants. But he remains defiant:

I know a lot of climate sceptics are after my blood, but I’m in no mood to oblige them.

Of course, any self-respecting scientist who contributed in any way to this report could be forgiven for wanting to disassociate from Dr Pachauri and the IPCC’s now tarnished Nobel.  In fact, here is how Professor Richard Tol of the Economic and Social Research Institute in Dublin, Ireland did just that:

Why did they do this? It is quite astounding … it is illustrative of how sloppy Working Group Two (the panel of experts within the IPCC responsible for drawing up this section of the report) has been.

Yet, according to The Sunday Telegraph, a survey of the 400 authors and contributors to the IPCC report found that a majority not only stand by it but still support Dr Pachauri and his panel of agenda-driven climate-change scribes.

But redemption for the IPCC might still come from the efforts of other scientists who are driven more by the science than politics of global warming.  Here, for example, is the constructive insight Roger Sedjo, a senior research fellow at the US research organisation Resources for the Future, shared on this embarrassing spectacle … fraud:

The IPCC is, unfortunately, a highly political organisation with most of the secretariat bordering on climate advocacy. It needs to develop a more balanced and indeed scientifically sceptical behaviour pattern. The organisation tend to select the most negative studies ignoring more positive alternatives.

I fear, however, that the IPCC will only be redeemed if melting glaciers defy God’s Rainbow Covenant and cause another flood of Biblical proportions. 

In the meantime, these revelations should compel the Nobel Committee to revoke the IPCC’s, as well as Al Gore’s, Nobel Prize. Although, with British MPs calling for criminal prosecutions, Dr Pachauri, Prof Jones and others clearly have far more to worry about than professional humiliation.

They are not merely bad scientists - they are crooks. And crooks who have perpetrated their crimes at the expense of British and U.S. taxpayers.

(Lord Christopher Monckton, Science and Public Policy Institute, Chief Policy Advisor)

Related commentaries:
… UN report on global warming
Gore and IPCC win Nobel Prize
Climate-gate…
Copenhagen: more hot air but no binding agreement

Beyoncé was hot!

I’m not sure why people are so gaga over Lady Gaga. 

Ironically, her costume-heavy act probably never looked so “been there, done that” as when she came out for a somber duet with Elton John, who - as we all know - elevated the spectacle of theatrics over talent to its zenith 25 years ago.  

Maybe, like Elton, she will come to realize someday that her talent alone is enough to make her superstar - cuz the girl can sing…. Speaking of which, whatever happened to Nora Jones?

But Beyoncé was hot!

Like Jay Leno, Steven Colbert proved that he’s not funny at all in prime time.  His opening bit sucked!  Perhaps one had to be a father to get the cutesy repartee with his daughter - who did the worst job of looking like an embarrassed teenager ever. Hell, she looked and acted more like an eager Hannah Montana understudy.

But Beyoncé was hot!

Having seen Cirque du Soleil, all I can say is that Pink should spare us the acrobatics and work on her singing….

But Beyoncé was hot!

Who knew Jamie Fox could sing Opera…?  His gig featuring Slash and T-Pain was easily the highlight performance of the night. (With all due respect to the belated and overly hyped Grammy debut of Bon Jovi: 3 friggin song?! Puhleeeese!)

But Beyoncé was hot!

Wyclef Jean gave an appropriately jubilant pitch for Haiti.  And I was pleasantly surprised to hear Mary J. Blige hold her own in a duet with Andrea Bocelli, singing a Bridge Over Troubled Water as a “Song for Haiti.”  It’s just too bad that I kept waiting for Blige to stop in the middle of their performance to cuss out her band again the way she did so notoriously the night before at a command performance for Clive Davis.

I really like Taylor Swift. But poor thing: last year she was rudely upstaged by Kanye West, this year she was properly upstaged by Stevie Nicks. (Of course, only an impressionable young thing like Taylor would think it’s a good idea to sing Rhiannon in a duet with Stevie.)  But kudos to Taylor for winning four Grammys, including the most coveted one of the evening, best album of the year!

But Beyoncé was hot!

I should have known when I heard that Celine Dion would be leading the all-star 3D salute to Michael Jackson that it would not be worth waiting for. And it wasn’t; not least because, having heard Michael sing Earth Song,  his homage to Mother Earth, Kerry Underwood, Jennifer Hudson and even Usher sounded like, well, American Idol wannabes trying to mimic him.  

Just goes to show what a great singer/performer MJ was…. 

But does anyone still believe those lily-white kids who accepted his Lifetime Achievement Award are really Michael’s biological children? 

Nothing is more pathetic than watching his siblings on TV going on about how they look just like Michael - oblivious to the fact that cosmetically shaped features, bleached skin and wigged locks cannot be inherited.

Never mind the patent exploitation of traipsing them out like performing MJ mascots. Indeed, given the extremes to which he went to keep them off camera, Michael must be rolling over in his grave.

But Beyoncé was hot! 

Curiously enough, it seems Maxwell lost a little of his grove when he chopped off his dreadlocks; but poor Roberta Flack, she has injected so much botox that she could barely mouth the words to her classic, Where is the love.

Having said all that, I’m sure Travis Barker, Lil Wayne, Drake and Eminem were the bomb!  It’s just too bad so much of their performance was bleeped for profanity…. But truth be told, Eminem proved again last night why he’s easily the best rapper in the game - and not just for a white boy….

But Beyoncé was hot!

And she won the most Grammys too, six, including best song of the year.  This was the most Grammys ever won by a female in one night.  Way to go Bey!

NOTE: Of course Beyoncé always exudes boundless sexual energy (something Sasha Fierce) during her performances. And she was on top of her game tonight. 

But here’s a tip for all of you wannabe Beyoncés out there:  I’m sure the reason I found her so particularly hot tonight is that I saw for the first time - during an extended interview on a pre-Grammy broadcast of 60 Minutes - how poised, articulate and disarmingly intelligent she is.

We men are often accused of being dick heads. But, with some of us, the one below will show no interest unless you can appeal to the one above.

Now I lay me down to sleep….

Technology’s Commandments … 

(according to Apple)

 Thou shall buy a Mac

Thou shall buy an iPod

Thou shall buy an iPhone

Thou shall buy an iPad…

Somehow I’m managing to get by without obeying any of them.

In this day and age when being famous for being famous is a consummation so devoutly to be wished, it is probably hard to imagine anyone becoming famous for not wanting to be famous.  But this latter phenomenon, in a nutshell, can serve as an epitaph for J.D. Salinger.

His ironic, if not iconic, fame stems of course from the publication of his 1951 novel The Catcher in the Rye. Like most people my age, I read it in high school.

But, honestly, what I remember most about this book was thinking back then how odd it was that my teacher would assign a book that reads like a sojourn through the sex-addled mind of an alienated, angst-ridden, rebellious 1950s teenager.  I’m not sure what lesson she was hoping to teach, but it was probably completely lost on this 1970s teenager.  Because, for so many reasons, I simply could not relate….

If reading it was no longer a rite of passage when you were in high school, and you’ve never bothered to read it, just imagine your teacher assigning the viewing of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for literary or cultural insight. 

It is a curious thing, though, that so many people claim to have related to this novel; after all, you’d think that the “cool kids” would have seen in Holden all of the poor saps they picked on in school.  So why their coming of age problems became required reading had to have been a mystery. Imagine what a loser you had to be to pay for sex and not only fail to get laid, but end up with a fat lip….

All the same, this novel has reportedly sold 65 million copies, and continues to sell hundreds of thousands each year.  No doubt the mystery surrounding Salinger’s doggedly reclusive life fueled sales. (Never mind that his reclusiveness might’ve had something to do with wanting to conceal his predilection for teenage literary groupies….)

You could be forgiven for thinking, though, that he never wrote another novel. But he wrote three others - all of which were relatively successful. Moreover, he probably thought all of them were just as good, if not better.

Therefore, it must have been a source of profound humiliation, perhaps even resentment, that none of them came close to matching the critical acclaim and commercial success of Catcher. Why subject one’s talent (and oneself) to a world in which people are too stupid and superficial to appreciate real literary merit, eh?

In fact, his last book was published in 1963. And, according to The Washington Post, no new writing of any kind has been published since a short story appeared in The New Yorker in 1965. This is why I have always regarded him variously as the most notorious sufferer of writer’s block and the most enigmatic literary celebrity of the 20^th century.

Rumors abound that he spent much of his time in seclusion writing as many as 11 masterpieces, all of which remained locked in a vault in manuscript form.  But if his three published, post-Catcher novels proved so forgettable, I’m not sure why anybody thinks these masterpieces, if they exist, would be any better. 

Nevertheless, just as it was with Michael Jackson, Salinger’s death provides a unique (and fleeting) opportunity for the executors of his estate to maximize sales from the release of any new material….

Salinger reportedly died on Wednesday of natural causes.  He was 91.

Here’s to catching little children as they’re about to fall off a cliff….

Farewell J.D.

As speeches go, it was vintage Obama:  hopeful, skillfully drafted, brilliantly delivered (often with a disarming charm), and chuck full of soaring rhetoric.

More importantly, though, he demonstrated why, despite his critics, he’s still America’s (and the world’s) best HOPE for leadership in this age of economic and political transformation. 

In fact, I’m sure the inside-Washington joke was watching well-known Republican partisans get so rapted up in the speech that they were jumping to their feet with unbridled applause. Frankly, this, like most of his speeches, was so flawless, that all I feel worthy to do here is to share some highlights. 

He cited the reasons why he gave himself a B+ for the first year of his presidency:

We cut taxes. We cut taxes for 95 percent of working families. We cut taxes for small businesses. We cut taxes for first-time homebuyers. We cut taxes for parents trying to care for their children. We cut taxes for 8 million Americans paying for college. As a result, millions of Americans had more to spend on gas, and food and other necessities, all of which helped businesses keep more workers. And we haven’t raised income taxes by a single dime on a single person. Not a single dime.

Because of the steps we took, there are about 2 million Americans working right now who would otherwise be unemployed.

He reminded everybody why the country is in the state it’s in:

At the beginning of the last decade, America had a budget surplus of over $200 billion. By the time I took office, we had a one year deficit of over $1 trillion and projected deficits of $8 trillion over the next decade. Most of this was the result of not paying for two wars, two tax cuts and an expensive prescription drug program. On top of that, the effects of the recession put a $3 trillion hole in our budget. That was before I walked in the door.

He heralded a new era of fiscal responsibility:

Starting in 2011, we are prepared to freeze government spending for three years. Spending related to our national security, Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security will not be affected. But all other discretionary government programs will. Like any cash-strapped family, we will work within a budget to invest in what we need and sacrifice what we don’t. And if I have to enforce this discipline by veto, I will.

He positioned his administration squarely on the side of Main Street versus Wall Street:

Some are frustrated; some are angry. They don’t understand why it seems like bad behavior on Wall Street is rewarded but hard work on Main Street isn’t… I supported the last administration’s efforts to create the financial rescue program. And when we took the program over, we made it more transparent and accountable. As a result, the markets are now stabilized, and we have recovered most of the money we spent on the banks.

To recover the rest, I have proposed a fee on the biggest banks. I know Wall Street isn’t keen on this idea, but if these firms can afford to hand out big bonuses again, they can afford a modest fee to pay back the taxpayers who rescued them in their time of need.

He focused on creating new jobs:

We can put Americans to work today building the infrastructure of tomorrow… There are projects like that [high speed rail] all across this country that will create jobs and help our nation move goods, services and information… We should put more Americans to work building clean energy facilities and give rebates to Americans who make their homes more energy efficient, which supports clean energy jobs. 

The House has passed a jobs bill that includes some of these steps. As the first order of business this year, I urge the Senate to do the same. People are out of work. They are hurting. They need our help. And I want a jobs bill on my desk without delay.

He reiterated his push for a new age, green economy:

I know that there are those who disagree with the overwhelming scientific evidence on climate change. But even if you doubt the evidence, providing incentives for energy efficiency and clean energy are the right thing to do for our future - because the nation that leads the clean energy economy will be the nation that leads the global economy. And America must be that nation.

He declared his bloodied but unbowed determination to pass health insurance reform:

I did not choose to tackle this issue to get some legislative victory under my belt. And by now it should be fairly obvious that I didn’t take on health care because it was good politics.

I took on health care because of the stories I’ve heard from Americans with pre-existing conditions whose lives depend on getting coverage, patients who’ve been denied coverage and families - even those with insurance - who are just one illness away from financial ruin…. I take my share of the blame for not explaining it more clearly to the American people…

There’s a reason why many doctors, nurses and health care experts who know our system best consider this approach a vast improvement over the status quo. But if anyone from either party has a better approach that will bring down premiums, bring down the deficit, cover the uninsured, strengthen Medicare for seniors and stop insurance company abuses, let me know. Here’s what I ask of Congress, though: Do not walk away from reform. Not now. Not when we are so close.

He had relatively little to say about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan or about the global war against terrorism. 

Throughout our history, no issue has united this country more than our security. Sadly, some of the unity we felt after 9/11 has dissipated. We can argue all we want about who’s to blame for this, but I am not interested in relitigating the past. I know that all of us love this country. All of us are committed to its defense. So let’s put aside the schoolyard taunts about who is tough.

As we take the fight to al-Qaida, we are responsibly leaving Iraq to its people. As a candidate, I promised that I would end this war, and that is what I am doing as president. We will have all of our combat troops out of Iraq by the end of this August…  But make no mistake: This war is ending, and all of our troops are coming home.

He chastised the Bush-dominated Supreme Court:

Last week, the Supreme Court reversed a century of law to open the floodgates for special interests - including foreign corporations - to spend without limit in our elections. Well, I don’t think American elections should be bankrolled by America’s most powerful interests, or worse, by foreign entities. They should be decided by the American people, and that’s why I’m urging Democrats and Republicans to pass a bill that helps to right this wrong.

He reserved his most ennobling flourish for a frontal assault on the partisan politics that has turned Washington into a schoolyard of bickering do-nothings:

Now, I am not naive. I never thought the mere fact of my election would usher in peace, harmony and some post-partisan era… But what frustrates the American people is a Washington where every day is election day. We cannot wage a perpetual campaign where the only goal is to see who can get the most embarrassing headlines about their opponent - a belief that if you lose, I win. Neither party should delay or obstruct every single bill just because they can.

But it is precisely such politics that has stopped either party from helping the American people. Worse yet, it is sowing further division among our citizens and further distrust in our government.  So no, I will not give up on changing the tone of our politics.

To Democrats, I would remind you that we still have the largest majority in decades, and the people expect us to solve some problems, not run for the hills. And if the Republican leadership is going to insist that 60 votes in the Senate are required to do any business at all in this town, then the responsibility to govern is now yours as well. Just saying no to everything may be good short-term politics, but it’s not leadership.

Finally, he put the challenges to deliver on Change people can believe in into perspective:

I campaigned on the promise of change - change we can believe in, the slogan went. And right now, I know there are many Americans who aren’t sure if they still believe we can change - or at least, that I can deliver it. But remember this - I never suggested that change would be easy or that I can do it alone…

Our administration has had some political setbacks this year and some of them were deserved. But I wake up every day knowing that they are nothing compared to the setbacks that families all across this country have faced this year. And what keeps me going - what keeps me fighting - is that despite all these setbacks, that spirit of determination and optimism - that fundamental decency that has always been at the core of the American people - lives on…

We don’t quit. I don’t quit. Let’s seize this moment - to start anew, to carry the dream forward, and to strengthen our union once more.

Hell, his speech was so good that when he was done, I felt like smoking a cigarette ... and I don’t even smoke.  But that’s Obama the smooth talker for you:

After all, as even his liberal friends at Saturday Night Live lampooned recently, despite talking up a transformative global agenda, he has precious little to show for it.  And this will only provide more fodder for his critics who already ridicule him as all talk and no action.

[Obama awarded (Affirmative Action) Nobel Peace Prize, TIJ, October 10, 2009]

But don’t take my word for it. Here’s the cold water The New York Times has thrown on all of the swooning going on over this speech:

By the end of his first year in office, they had expected to have overhauled the health care system, enacted a market-based cap on carbon emissions blamed for climate change, imposed a new regulatory system on financial institutions, closed the prison at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, and signed a new arms control treaty with Russia. None of those have happened….

So, time to put up or shut up Obama! Because no matter how many taxes you cut and how many jobs you “save,” unless you can check off, at the very least, healthcare reform and jobs created on your report card, voters will give you a F instead of that B+ in 2012….

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Obama awarded Nobel Peace Prize