Americans show more interest in “The Queen” than in the Queen

Everyone had a theory for the low turnout [The Washington Post]

It’s been 16 years since HM Queen Elizabeth II made her last state visit to the United States. Therefore, in light of this absence, her (PR) firm can be forgiven the impression that the American people were waiting in suspended animation to shower her with lots of pent-up fondness.

Alas, what a royal disappointment it must have been when this British flying circus was greeted in my resident state of Virginia yesterday by fewer (and less enthusiastic) royal gawkers than the throngs who gawk at royal lookalikes every day along Hollywood Boulevard. And this disappointment must have been made humiliating by the fact that organizers no doubt felt they had guaranteed a good turnout by staging the opening ceremonies for this tour on the campus of Virginia Tech University.

But, even though they were a captive audience, it was probably ill-advised to impose upon these still-in-shock students in this way – even if you’re the Queen of England. Never mind that the only frame of reference most of these kids have for Her Majesty is of her being played with uncanny verisimilitude by Helen Mirren – in the box-office hit The Queen – as the constipated, cold-hearted old fart who snubbed Princess Diana so royally after she died. Indeed, how ironic that the first stop on the Queen’s U.S. tour is a patently-contrived visit to comfort the survivors and grieving families of the massacre at Virginia Tech….

Meanwhile, thanks to her hopelessly-conflicted son Prince Charles and the global-warming Messiah Al Gore (whose book An Inconvenient Truth is replacing the bible in U.S. hotels) there’s more interest throughout the rest of America in how big a carbon footprint the Queen will leave behind than in what she’ll be doing during her trip.

Now, lest you think I hate the Queen, let me hasten to disabuse you of that notion. Because it’s not Elizabeth II I abhor; instead, it’s the absurdly-anachronistic and inherently-undemocratic prerogatives of monarchy which she personifies.

Much is being made of the Queen’s visit to Jamestown today to celebrate the 400th anniversary of the first settlement in America by English colonizers. But few locals seem in the mood to celebrate. Instead, many of them are calling for her to apologize on behalf of the Great Britain for introducing slavery throughout the Americas and slaughtering so many native Americans.

And given the ironic desire of royals to please commoners these days, the Queen may well offer a non-apology apology – by expressing “heart-felt regret” for these horrific atrocities. But, as hot air goes, I fear this would only increase her carbon footprint unnecessarily. (See Fatally-flawed demands for…apology for slavery in “Related Articles” below)

Finally, the British media have often reported that the Queen loves dogs and horses more than she loves humans. Therefore, I have no doubt that she’ll suffer all of these tiresome royal duties with a smile just for the treat of being able to finally “fulfil a lifelong dream…by attending the Kentucky Derby at the Churchill Downs racetrack” tomorrow….

NOTE: I suspect this will turn out to be the Queen’s last visit to America. Therefore, I wish her Godspeed, even if I cannot bring myself to pray “God Save the Queen”.