Lindsay Lohan’s pathetic one-upmanship on Paris Hilton

I had grave misgivings about commenting on Lindsay Lohan’s latest booze and drug-induced infractions.

After all, I experienced unbridled schadenfreude watching spoiled rich bitch Paris Hilton finally get her comeuppance last month. But it evokes nothing in me except pity and disgust watching spoiled white trash Lindsay behave as white trash does – notwithstanding her accidental fame and fortune.

This is how Lindsay, 21, purportedly proclaimed her innocence and telegraphed her defense on Wednesday to charges of felony cocaine possession and driving under the influence…with a suspended license. And, not surprisingly, she did it through the only medium she finds credible – the entertainment program Access Hollywood.

But it betrays how hopelessly misguided she is when even her legal and PR people seem incapable of drafting a more sober and sympathetic statement. Moreover, even Judge Lance Ito would probably rule that – after chasing her assistant’s mom all over Hollywood in an altered state of mind – Lindsay’s account of who did what to whom is inherently unreliable.

And speaking of unreliable, does anyone think that Lindsay ever regarded that alcohol-monitoring bracelet she wore (after getting out of rehab just 10 days ago) as anything more than a trendy fashion accessory…?

I can’t get into trouble, I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the f**k I want….I’m not going to get into trouble….I wasn’t driving. The black kid was driving. [Lindsay unplugged – as reported by the very reliable source, TMZ.com]

This is how Lindsay boasted to the owner of the SUV she commandeered to chase her assistant’s mom, and then blamed the black guy (who was actually sitting in the back seat) when cops questioned her about this now notoriously-reckless case of road rage.

The owner – who happens to be white and was “terrified” sitting next to her in the front passenger seat during this ordeal – claims further that she ran through numerous red lights in a residential neighborhood at over 80 mph….

Clearly, the petulant and indignant deflection of blame reflected in everything she has reportedly said since this incident suggests that, where Paris at least had some appreciation of the gravity of her legal jeopardy, Lindsay remains utterly clueless. And, like most congenital deviants, locking her up will do nothing except reinforce her anti-social behavior.

Nevertheless, given that Paris was sentenced to 45 days in jail, Lindsay should be sentenced to at least 90 for these (repeat) offenses. Recall that she was arrested and charged with similar crimes after a “coke” and booze-fueled hit-and-run crash on Memorial Day Weekend (last May). And, ironically, it was this incident that prompted her to seek refuge in rehab to avoid going to jail….

Like Paris, however, Lindsay will no doubt milk the pathetic publicity her unfolding tragedy is bound to generate for all it’s worth. But this is a far greater indictment of our celebrity-obsessed culture than it is of their fried brains and misspent youth.

Meanwhile, there’s been a great deal of criticism leveled at Lindsay’s parents for her delinquent behavior. And with an enabling drunk for a mother and a convicted felon for a father, she does seem to have been caught in a perverse parent trap.

But it’s worth noting that Hollywood is replete with stage moms, who are invariably failed or frustrated actresses, now living vicariously through their daughters’ careers.

However, the difference with Lindsay’s mom Dina (pictured here in a recent photo) is that she seems more interested in living her daughter’s partying lifestyle than in basking in the reflected glow of her movie stardom.

NOTE: Did you hear about the latest about our favorite wild child Britney Spears? She reportedly ran out of a million-dollar photo shoot last week – after using the designer wardrobe donated for the occasion as a napkin to wipe her greasy fingers (from the fried chicken she demanded for lunch), and as a pooper scooper to wipe up the doo doo her little pooch left all over the studio floor.

Talk about white trash….

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