Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Nicole Ritchie: The Four Bimbos of the Apocalypse

People can’t stop talking about Paris Hilton going to jail. Some have tried to engage me in idle banter about her reversal of fortune. Others have even accused me of being a snob for failing to write about it. 

The four bimbos of the Apocalypse

If I didn’t know better, I’d think the following four stories were the most important in the world today:

1. Paris Hilton heading to jail for driving without a license while on probation for an alcohol-related reckless driving offense. Never mind that this was her umpteenth arrest. And that she spent her last hours of freedom cavorting and primping at the MTV Movie Awards;
2. Lindsay Lohan seeking refuge at a rehab center last week to avoid going to jail for drug possession and fleeing the scene of an accident;
3. Britney Spears getting mocked for another lip-syncing fiasco. Similar fiascos have doomed her comeback tour; and
4. Nicole Ritchie flaunting her anorexic body. 

Blogging about Paris, Lindsay, Britney, and Nicole

What aren’t you writing about them? Too many people have asked me that question recently. And the only answer that makes sense to them is that I must be a snob. 

As it happens, though, I’ve written about all of them. For example, I featured Paris and her simple friend Nicole in a commentary on girls dying to be thin. I featured Britney in one, assuring readers that her bald-headed meltdown does not portend  America’s doom. And I mentioned Lindsay in all of them. 

In short, I’ve written enough on these idle-minded celebutarts to last a lifetime.

Paris goes to jail

This sentence is cruel and unfair. … I don’t deserve this. 

That’s how a clueless, unrepentant, wannabe martyr Paris famously bemoaned her sentence. 

She is the poster child for Hollywood’s hopelessly misguided, immature, and spoiled rich bitches. So this seems an auspicious occasion to chime in on her fate. Because someone should state for the record that, instead of 23 days, the judge should have sentenced her to 23 months. 

Even so, here’s to that time proving long enough for fellow inmates to scare her straight. Paris checked in last night to the jail where Susannah Johnson got released on Saturday. Johnson’s assessment of how inmates will treat Paris gives me hope:

Inmates were angry at Hilton [because they believe] prison officials were making room for the starlet at the expense of other inmates already coping with crowded conditions in the 2,200-bed jail. … The only advice I could give her when she comes is to shut her mouth and do the time.

That said, I couldn’t care less about the ongoing publicity-seeking antics of the other three bimbos.