Yesterday, President George W. Bush of the United States and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran joined the queue of world leaders delivering canned speeches before the Annual Meeting of the United Nations General Assembly in New York. None of them said anything of any consequence. They never do.

But here’s the dirty UN secret: most world leaders treat this annual event as little more than an invitation to wine and dine their wives, who spend their days shopping along Fifth Avenue — all at their taxpayers’ expense. Nonetheless, I’d be remiss not to comment.

It would be a Sisyphean endeavor, however, to try separating the wheat from the chaff among the speeches emanating from this veritable Tower of Babel, which masquerades as a forum for international dispute resolution. Therefore, I’ll suffice to reprise my commentary from last year.

The 2006 annual meeting was suffused with political drama, saber-rattling, and outright buffoonery. The hackneyed speeches hardly mattered. Most of the histrionics came courtesy of Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, who didn’t even bother attending this year.

The Devil’s podium: Chávez’s sulfur speech

Yesterday, Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez highlighted his undiplomatic rant against US President George W. Bush by calling him “the Devil.” I found it instructive that when a reporter asked what she thought of Chávez’s speech, US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice replied, quite properly, that she would not dignify it with a comment.

Frankly, that’s how I feel about all the hot air passing for dignified debate at this week’s session. Accordingly, here’s all I care to share about Bush’s congenitally trite, Ahmadinejad’s passive-aggressive, and Chávez’s hysterically bombastic utterances:

President George W. Bush:

Fair enough, Mr. Bush. But now that French President Jacques Chirac is leading a European coalition of the willing to betray your agreement to impose sanctions against Iran, what are you going to do to stop it from fulfilling its ambition? Operation Deny Nukes?

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad:

Excellent point, Mr. Ahmadinejad. Now tell us which international law gives you the right to develop nuclear weapons to “wipe Israel off the map“?

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez:

Good one, Mr. Chávez. But if you really think Cuba is the best place to live in the Western Hemisphere (and by inference that America is the worst), why do you think so many people are fleeing Cuba and Latin America—including your own country—to seek a better life in the United States?

Moreover, if the delegates laughing at your speech yesterday were to vote on your proposal to move the UN out of the US (to where, pray tell, China?), would you bet your presidency on the outcome?

The real shame: Third World leaders’ hypocrisy

One has to wonder about the conscience of Third World leaders, who endorsed Ahmadinejad’s speech indicting America as the greatest threat to world peace, and laughed at Chávez’s comedy routine demonizing Bush.

After all, these are the very same leaders who are still debating whether Bush is right to declare the ongoing slaughter of over 400,000 Africans by Arab militiamen in Darfur an “unfolding genocide” requiring immediate UN military intervention — in the name of humanity.

Taiwan’s annual rejection: China’s growing clout

One of my associates challenged my cynicism about UN proceedings by citing its “pretty significant decision” to reject Taiwan’s bid to reclaim its seat in this august Assembly. The Taiwanese petitioned to be readmitted as “Taiwan” rather than the “Republic of China” — the name under which they lost their seat in 1971 to the newly admitted People’s Republic of China.

Alas, Taiwan has failed in similar bids at every annual meeting since 1992. As China’s influence among member states continues to grow each year, it is likely that all future bids will be similarly rejected. Of the UN’s 192 members, Taiwan is recognized by only 24 relatively poor and powerless countries, including three from the Caribbean.

It’s surreal yet inspiring to see Buddhist monks risking their lives to lead pro-democracy street protests against the military juntas that have ruled Burma for almost 50 years. And, given the current state of technology, these monks might be encouraged, indeed emboldened, by the expressions of solidarity that were shared by world leaders at the UN this week.

But it behooves these brave protesters to beware: every year for the past four years, these same leaders have expressed similar solidarity with the victims of genocide in Darfur.

Meanwhile, in an ominous development yesterday, the junta ordered troops to enforce a curfew to crack down on the protests that have been growing daily in size and daring over the past week.

The conditions are now eerily similar to those that triggered the slaughter of thousands of pro-democracy protesters — mostly monks and students — during Burma’s “8888 Uprising” of 1988. Will the UN stand by and watch history repeat itself? Is the Pope Catholic? Besides, what’s a few thousand Burmese monks compared to half a million Africans?

This annual UN charade continues while real crises unfold around the world. As iPINIONS noted in a commentary on confronting Iran, North Korea, and Syria, the gap between UN rhetoric and reality grows wider each year. The monks of Myanmar deserve better than empty words from leaders more concerned with Fifth Avenue shopping sprees than defending democracy.