Thursday, June 1, 2017 at 7:17 AM

Tiger! Tiger! Driving Drugged

Posted by Anthony L. Hall

Tiger Woods’s 2015 Mercedes-Benz showed signs of ‘fresh damage’ on the driver’s side of the vehicle when he was found asleep at the wheel [at 3 a.m. near his home in Jupiter, Florida] the morning of his arrest on suspicion of driving under the influence, police records show. …

Woods told police he was coming from golfing in Los Angeles and he didn’t know where he was. …

Woods said in a statement that alcohol was not involved and that he had ‘an unexpected reaction to prescribed medications.’

(CNN, May 31, 2017)

Given that Tiger had no idea where he was, he probably couldn’t explain the damage to his car. But he’s lucky he didn’t hurt anyone, including himself.

Jupiter authorities released him on his own recognizance after processing his arrest on Monday (Memorial Day). He issued a statement almost immediately, taking full responsibility, apologizing to family and fans, promising that it will never happen again, and assuring everyone (especially his sponsors) that “alcohol was not involved.”

Sure enough, the results of his Breathalyzer and urine tests showed no alcohol in his system. Instead, Tiger ended up in this dazed and confused state after consuming a cocktail of pain medications that would numb the senses of an elephant.

Incidentally, that might explain this Dr. Feelgood announcement he made on his blog last week (on May 24):

I haven’t felt this good in years. …

Words cannot convey how good it feels to be pain-free.

Except that his confessed “addiction to sex” clearly complimented his game (to the tune of 14 majors in fact). His (apparent) addiction to meds clearly cannot do the same.

Truth be told, this DUI arrest is just the latest example of Tiger making news in recent years more as a sad sack than a great jock. His constant whining about back problems has figured prominently in this respect.

But then came the following, which suggests a fearful symmetry between his personal life today and the bimbo eruption that triggered his fateful downfall eight years ago:

It pays to date Tiger Woods! Radar Online has learned that he’s secretly moved on from Lindsey Vonn with another hot blonde — and she was recently stopped at the airport with $200,000 in CASH that she claimed came from Tiger.

(Radar Online, November 3, 2016)

No doubt he has a type. But he won’t be able to play Sugar Daddy much longer if sponsors use this DUI arrest as a pretext to drop him – as biggies like Gatorade, AT&T, Accenture, and Gillette did after his infamous domestic spat in November 2009. He also won’t be able to fund the addiction to high-stakes gambling he reportedly suffers, which could prove far costlier than any of his other addictions. Then, of course, there’s the sponsor-forfeiting fact that he hasn’t won a major championship since 2008 …

Tiger said he hasn’t felt this good in years. But he also admitted that it will be months before he can even simulate a golf swing, let alone play on the PGA Tour. And when (or if) he returns, chances are very good that he will place no higher on the leaderboard at any major than he has since his last win in 2008.

Tiger once commanded admiration and respect. Now he gets nothing but pity and ridicule. And it can’t help that the media are using this DUI arrest as a pretext to rehash all of the embarrassing details and images surrounding that spat in 2009 – complete with “Where are they now?” interviews with some of the hookers he made famous for 15 minutes.

I have chronicled his downfall in many commentaries – from “Tiger’s Wife Serves Him a Fat Lip for Thanksgiving,” November 29, 2009, to “Tiger’s Poor Play Causes Back Pain and Forces Him to Quit – Again,” February 4, 2017. But “Tiger! Tiger! Losing Fight,” August 11, 2011, was perhaps the most prescient. The following excerpt captures Tiger for all he’s worth these days.


Winning tournaments in his inimitable fashion is the only way now to eradicate images of his bacchanalian private life from public consciousness. … In any event, I am convinced that Tiger will return … sooner rather than later.

(“Tiger Escapes to a ‘Safe Haven,’” The iPINIONS Journal, December 14, 2009)

I wrote the above in the immediate aftermath of his scandalous fall from grace. Back then, I would have bet my life savings that Tiger would have won his 15th major by now. The majors, of course, are the four most prestigious annual tournaments in professional golf. They include the Masters in April, US Open in June, British Open in July, and PGA Championship in August.

Well, just as I predicted, he did return sooner rather than later after that now infamous domestic spat in November 2009 – only four months later to be exact. The surprise, however, is that Tiger has not won a single, rinky-dink tournament since then, let alone his 15th major. …

But it’s plainly disingenuous for Tiger to suggest that chronic injuries have prevented him from winning. For this is belied by the fact that he not only seemed just fine throughout his winless 2010, but actually won his ‘last’ Major, the 2008 US Open, while in obvious pain from a knee injury. Incidentally, Tiger withdrew from the final round of the Players Championship in May 2010, complaining about a neck injury. But he was back on the tour within weeks, which gave credence to suspicions that he withdrew merely out of frustration – when he realized he had no chance of winning.

Frankly, one does not have to be a trained psychologist to diagnose that Tiger’s problems are more mental than physical. Because it’s self-evident that the public humiliation he endured following that domestic spat, which exposed his Charlie-Sheen like penchant for hookers, sapped him of the self-esteem and confidence that not only fueled his game, but instilled self-defeating fear in other players. …

I am convinced that Tiger is losing his very pubic fight to recapture his mojo simply because he cannot get that public humiliation out of his mind. And each humiliating loss will only make him more anxious about playing his next tournament.


That said, if it were not for his sponsors, Tiger would probably feel inured to public pity or ridicule. After all, he’s such a rich fool that his girlfriend can get him to part with $200,000 in cash … as a casual gift. Therefore, he can probably do without people like Jack Nicklaus making public pleas on his behalf like this:

He’s been great for the game of golf. He needs our help. I wish him well.

(ESPN, May 31, 2017)

Like Jack, I wish him well. But I maintain what I wrote in the February 2017 commentary cited above, namely that:

Tiger should retire and let his 14 majors seal his legacy as the second best player in the history of Golf, after Jack Nicklaus. If he doesn’t, he risks turning that legacy into a laughingstock – as his play continues to evoke pity rather than inspire the awe it used to.

Related commentaries:
Tiger’s wife serves him
Tiger, tiger
Tiger bad play causes pain

* This commentary was originally published yesterday, Wednesday, at 8:34 p.m.

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