Many young women wear Spanx these days. But they take umbrage at the suggestion that their Spanx is a modern version of the girdle their grandmothers wore.
Spanx: a girdle by another name
It takes willful self-delusion to deny this analogy. After all, the natural letdown women see on their Spanx-free bodies reveals the naked truth.
The irony is that liberated women are constraining themselves like their repressed grandmothers did, ostensibly to look good. Then again, many things women do to look good make no sense to me.
For example, I don’t get hair extensions and wigs, face-altering makeup, pout trout, or fake boobs. What’s the point if the way a woman looks with and without makeup is like night and day?
That gives new meaning to the concept of false advertising. The only thing worse would be finding out that the sexy woman you took home is a man (a la The Crying Game).
Whatever happened to natural beauty?
I’ve been advocating for natural beauty for years. I refer you to commentaries like “PSA: Unmask Your Woman Before You Tell Her She’s Beautiful” on October 16, 2013. Unfortunately, my commentaries have resonated more like John the Baptist’s sermons in the wilderness.
Fernando Lamas coined the aphorism, “It’s better to look good than to feel good.” But women seem to take that literally. And, like the grandmotherly girdle, Spanx is just one of the ways they 
live this masochistic and narcissistic aphorism.
After all, Spanx alone is a suffocating body constrictor. Yet, women layer Spanx skinny jeans over their Spanx to accentuate their skinniness.
The cotton, polyester and Lycra blend pants, which come in sizes 26 through 32, cost $148 per pair. … The move is a bold one for the popular shapewear brand, which is a favorite among stars like Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé and Gwyneth Paltrow, as well as non-famous women.
But according to Spanx founder Sara Blakely, she’s moving into territory that should be well-received by her customers.
(Daily Mail, July 28, 2014)
But having these relatively skinny bitches sell Spanx is like having teenage models sell anti-aging creams. Call me crazy (maybe), but why on earth would a rail-thin woman like Gwyneth Paltrow need to wear a modern-day girdle? Oh, right, looking like a size triple zero is the new fashion trend.
With apologies to Hamlet: Vanity, thy name is woman!
But, to ensure more truth in beauty, I urge men to insist that their first date with any woman is a day at the beach. Or, especially in winter, any outing forces her to unmask herself in broad daylight.
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