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Adrian Brody or Ralph Fiennes Are the Only Reasons to Watch the Oscars

Sunday, March 2, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Written by Anthony L. Hall

What the world needs now is classic Hollywood escapism But what the Oscars deliver these days plays out like a scripted rerun

Producers hail the Academy Awards as the grand finale of Hollywood’s serial awards season. By the time this final show rolls around, however, the winners are all too predictable. In fact, the only real suspense often lies in who’ll be wearing what on the Red Carpet.

But I have no interest in watching pampered celebrities flaunt their borrowed frocks and bling as a prelude to a three-hour show. After all, most viewers are only interested in about six minutes of it. That, of course, is the time it takes to present awards for Best Supporting Actor and Actress, Best Actor and Actress, Best Director, and Best Picture.

the Oscars featuring Adrian Brody and Ralph Fiennes

But I’m tuning in tonight for two specific reasons:

  1. To see if the presenter of the Oscar for Best Actor will plant a deep-throat kiss on presumed winner Adrien Brody. That would avenge the one he famously planted on an unsuspecting Halle Berry when she presented him this same award in 2003. For what it’s worth, Berry precluded any suspense that she might avenge this kiss herself. Because, at Spike TV’s 2009 “Guys Choice” Awards, she did to Jamie Foxx what Brody had done to her.
  2. To see if the Academy will redeem itself by upsetting Brody’s presumed win. It can do so by awarding the Oscar for Best Actor to Ralph Fiennes for his performance in Conclave. Members failed to award him the Oscar for Schindler’s List (1993) and The English Patient (1996). Arguably, those are two of the biggest snubs in Oscar history. Indeed, the Academy should’ve already made Fiennes the double winner they’re poised to make Brody tonight.

Of course, the reason I posited Brody or Fiennes in my title is that they’re both nominated in the same category. So if Brody wins, that precludes my wish for Fiennes, and vice versa. But Fiennes is my favorite actor by far. So here’s to the upset.

In a ceremony where winners feel scripted, moments like these offer the only real thrill. But after that slap heard around the world, even those are becoming an endangered species

Anthony L. Hall

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